Everybody Loves SVU
by awesomeness50
Summary: A fun crossover when the Barone family meets with the SVU brigade. Lot's of fun, quirks and tantrums.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** _**I do not own any of these characters. The characters from Law & Order: SVU and Everybody Loves Raymond belong to their respectful creators, producers and distributors.**_

16th precinct, New York

Special Victims Unit -

Three detectives are sitting at their desks going through their files and paperwork looking over an investigation. Olivia Benson comes in with a coffee tray and asks "So boys any luck with matching the witness's description to any of the convicted felons in our database"?

John Munch replies "No luck here but I was reading through last month's paper. Some old lady just came forward says she was working in administration at the white house at the time JFK got shot and says that after the shooting two of his ministers disappeared off the face of the earth".

His partner Fin Tutuola threw his left arm in the air while getting his coffee and replied "Come on Munch this isn't the time for your conspiracy theory mumbo jumbo. Sometimes a spade is just a spade".

Elliot Stabler leans back in his chair and says "Hell I don't care who shot who to be honest, I just want to find a match for the description from our witness and call it a day. Seriously how many guys are out there who fit the description of average height with blonde hair and fair complexion"?

Suddenly they hear a knock on the door as Donald Cragen enters. Stablers replies "Captain, we were just going over the case here".

Cragen replies "Detectives. I would like you to meet a new officer who will be working with us now. He's just been transferred here from long island on an honourable discharge".

Olivia Benson questions "Honourable discharge? That's something we don't see everyday".

Cragen continues "Please I would like you all to meet Officer Robert Barone". The four detectives look on as a very tall Italian man walks in. While everyone says a polite hello Munch says "Hey I recognise you from the paper. You got horned by a bull in the arse".

Robert takes a deep breath in embarrassment and replies "Technically it was the upper thigh but at least you all know who I am, no need for introductions".

John munch sarcastically replies "Lower arse, upper thigh. Sometimes you just gotta call a spade a spade" and looked over at Fin who just looked down sighing.

Captain Cragen continued "Now since Officer Barone is new here there's something he wants to tell everyone. Take it away Barone".

The tall officer then said nervously "Well since I am new here, and I don't really know any of you, well I thought that since we'll be working together I would like to invite you all for barbeque at my brother's house this Sunday".

Munch replied "I don't mind a good old fashioned get together but I have a sky watchers convention to get to". After he finished Fin Tutuola got up to shake Robert's hand and said "Ignore captain crazy over here, we'll both be there".

Olivia felt uncomfortable and looked at Stabler for support and he replied "I dunno I got the wife and four kids to keep me busy" then Olivia followed "Yeah I have a pile of personal matters I gotta get through".

Cragen looked at Robert who looked disappointed so he stepped in and said "Benson, Stabler. You will both be there no excuses. Look forward to seeing you both.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** _**I do not own any of these characters. The characters from Law & Order: SVU and Everybody Loves Raymond belong to their respectful creators, producers and distributors.**_

Sunday Morning

Long island

The Barone residence -

While Ray is on the couch watching basketball Deborah is running around the house cooking and cleaning. She throws her husband a dirty look and says "Raymond do I have to physically remove you from that couch"?

Ray innocently replies "Aaaaaw come on Deb just till the end of the quarter". Deborah goes over and turns off the television and Ray groans "Come on there was like ten minutes left" and she replies "Ten minutes, an hour, with you it's all the same now get the grill started we have guests coming".

As Ray walks out the door with a tray of meat his parents walk through the door and Ray says to them in surprise "Why are you here, um…. So early? The party's not on for another three hours".

Frank sits down unzipping his pants and says "I heard there's a whole troop coming I didn't want anyone getting my good seat. And besides I wanna get a head start on the booze and snacks".

Still frustrated Ray then asks "But mom you don't have to be here this early. Don't you want to, I don't know, enjoy a few hours away from dad"? Marie replies "But Raymond sweetie who's going to make salad and dips for your big party. I mean it's not like there's a good cook here or anyone to help you around".

Deborah walks out with hands on her hips staring at Marie and says "I beg your pardon Marie but I have been slaving away all day while your son's done nothing but watch tv".

Marie replies "That's ok dear I'm sure you did your best but sometimes you just need some help even when you don't realise". Frank then says "And I thought I was here to watch football instead I'm watching the Marie's big mouth show hehehe".

Marie yells at him "FRANK! Do you want to get fed today"? After a moments pause Frank replies "Raymond listen to your mother" and turns back to the tv. Marie replies "Now let me see in the kitchen maybe I can make something with leftovers and scraps" then walks towards the kitchen.

As Deborah is about to go off Ray grabs her and says "Deb wait this is perfect. Dad's on the couch, mum's in the kitchen and the kids are at sleepover. How about I get started on the grill and you take a shower and you know take a break". Deborah sighs and replies "Fine Ray I'll take a break from all this Hoo-Ha".

As Deborah goes upstairs, Robert barges through the door breathing heavily and Ray and Frank stare at him. After a few moments silence Ray asks "What's with the stampede? Did you run away from the zoo again"? And Franks laughs.

Robert in a panic yells "This was a bad idea" and smacking himself on the forehead repeats "Bad idea Robert. You're an idiot Robert". Frank laughs again and says "He finally admitted he's stupid. Hey Stupid. Robert I'm talking to you".

Robert starts pacing around the room and says "Look at this house, this family, I can't have guests over they'll fire me from the squad before I even begin. Why did I have to do this, all I want is to start my new job where nobody thinks that I'm a freak. Is that so much to ask? IS IT"!

Frank replies "Is it too much to ask to be quiet. All I hear at home is yap yap yap from Marie and now it's you to sissies. For the love of god let me watch my football in peace". Ray replies "Actually I was watching basketball" and before he can finish Frank turns with an angry expression and Ray backs off. Frank turns to the tv and says to himself "Hehe I still got it".

Robert turns around heading for the door and Ray asks "Wait where are you going" and Robert replies "I'm gonna go for a walk, clear my head, maybe get hit by a car if I'm lucky". Then as he shuts the door behind himself he screams out "This is gonna be a disaster I tell you. One big fat juicy Disaster"!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** _**I do not own any of these characters. The characters from Law & Order: SVU and Everybody Loves Raymond belong to their respectful creators, producers and distributors.**_

Sunday Afternoon

The Barone family and the most of the SVU team are all seated at the table eating and enjoying conversation. Finally the doorbell rings and Marie answers, then Olivia Benson walks in and greets everyone "Ciao Bella". She continues through while Marie stares impressed with the woman's Italian.

Stabler looks up and says "Liv where you been we were about to start without you". She replies "Well I was on my way out but my gut said to stay home and you know I always trust my gut instinct". Stabler replies "Yeah I know you Liv we've been working together more than ten years".

Ray looks up and says "Ten years? You've been partners for that long you're almost married" then both Benson and Stabler look away uneasily. Frank replies "Get that a lot huh? Well at least you get to say goodbye to each other, get a load of what I've had to put up with for 46 years".

Marie replies "Oh Frank nothing is just ever good enough for you is it. Like you're a prize stallion yourself" then addresses the SVU team "He snorts, he leaves his dirty dishes in the sink, he wears dirty underwear" then stops when she sees the looks on everyone's faces and finishes "Well that's what I have to put up with".

Fin looks at Frank and Marie and says "Wow suddenly my divorce doesn't look so bad". Marie replies "Oh it's not too bad dear we have two beautiful boys at least". Marie then turns to Munch and says "What about you John, do you have children".

Munch replies "No kids here. No little munchkins". Frank looks at Munch and says "You're not one of them fruit's are you"? And Munch replies "What Nooooo I've been married three times but you know marriage it's not for everyone". Frank laughs in reply and says "Amen to that. Hey glasses, you wanna swap"?

Fin then says in a serious tone "Hey don't go using that word Fruit. I happen to have a son who's gay". Deborah cuts in "Oh Fin we didn't know I'm so sorry. No one here meant any harm" and he replies "Relax it's alright just putting it out there is all. But hell at least I won't have to fork out my life savings for some big expensive wedding someday".

Marie then says "Oh yes I know just how you feel. We spent so much money on our boy's weddings and Robbie got divorced. What a waste of money". Robert replies quietly "Mum. Can we not talk about my divorce" then Ray says "Hey Fin you would know, do you think Robert's gay since you know, he's been single for so long".

Deborah looks at her husband and snaps at him "Ray"! and addresses everyone "I'm sorry for my husband, but he really does mean well". Stabler replies "That's ok Deb no harm done. But may I just compliment you and say that I think you keep a wonderful home".

Deborah replies with a smile "Why thank you Elliot I really do try. But you know it's not easy with all these kids running around". Elliot laughs and replies "You're preaching to the choir here. I got four and they're much older than yours. My wife's a whiz around the house but we husband's gotta chip in as well. Isn't that right Ray"?

The room goes silent as everyone looks at Ray, particularly Deborah gives him a piercing gaze. Finally replies "What? I do plenty around the house". Deborah replies "HA! Making a mess and watching tv is not helping around the house. Get this everyone; he still drops his dirty clothes on the floor. It's like living in a frat house with this one".

Everyone starts laughing and Robert starts mocking Ray calling him a big baby and sucking his thumb at him. Cragen continued laughing and said "You're a laugh a minute Ray. You're probably the only person with a voice worse than Munch". Olivia replied "Yeah not to mention you've got a bigger nose as well. Geez do you have to pay tax on that thing"?

Frank looked to Cragen and said "Donald you're alright. Let's have a drink". Cragen put his hand over his glass and said "Actually I have to decline Frank. I'm a recovering alcoholic". Frank stared in surprise for a moment and said "You're a what? Come on man up".

Cragen replied "Who are you telling to man up old man. I was in Vietnam". Frank yelled back "Vietnam is nothing. I was in Korea". Olivia straight away looks at Robert and asks "Does he always get like this" and Robert "Replies all the time". Just as John is about to intervene and stop the two war veterans from arguing, Stabler whispers "Munch I got this". As the yelling continues Stabler jumps in and says "Ah hell I got you both beat. I was in Iraq".

The squabbling continues now between all three of them and Marie joins the fray yelling at everyone to be quiet while Robert is whispering to himself "This was a big mistake". Now with four people screaming John tries to silence the bunch and tries yelling for calm and quiet but he only manages to provoke the situation. Olivia whispers to herself "I knew it. I should have just trusted my instinct as always" while Ray pays no attention and signals to Fin and says "Yo Fin. You like basketball cause I got cable"? Fin replies within the second "You bet your big nose I love basketball. Hell I'll watch anything to get away from this mess". Finally Deborah stands up and says "Who want's dessert" and immediately everyone stops yelling and sits back down.


End file.
